Its so hard. This afternoon at mass I was shaken completely. I cried and was shaking the whole time. I had to leave to go to the bathroom. This lady behind me had the most beautiful voice and when the choir started singing, she made a harmony that just hit home everything that I was feeling. It was overwhelming. Mom and I were crying together.

I saw a lot of people I know, and they all saw me in the state I was in. But it didn’t matter because everyone has their days. Today was just mine. I saw people who I thought I would never see again, after last July, who would never show any signs of kindness to me again. I was proven half wrong, half right. Father Joe’s homily (I don’t know what you call it on Easter) but anyway, it was so moving when he listed all of the verbs that were used in the Gospel. Betrayed. Denied. Spat on. Laughed at. Crucified. It was so personal, I felt like my witness wasn’t and isn’t strong enough, and that I was one of the people who were making those actions towards God.

Its overwhelming the fact that no matter if I go to mass once a week.. or miss a few weeks, every time I go back, I’m completely overwhelmed by how much I feel the presence of God in my heart. I feel pure at heart and weak in spirit when I forget just how strong my faith needs to be.

But I am strong. And I will stay strong because I do have the help of God throughout everything in my life. I cannot do this without He who gives me strength, and believe me… His strength is there for us. For he will come again, on Sunday to renew us of our sins and let us be free to enter the kingdom of heaven.

I love you. Thank you for believing in me.